


On The Run

by WordCollector



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky in the chair, Gen, Memories of killing, Memory Loss, Minor Character Death, Movie Style Violence, Thoughts of Suicide, some blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2014-09-14
Packaged: 2018-02-15 19:27:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 12,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2240682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WordCollector/pseuds/WordCollector
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the run from Hydra and the Police, Bucky's first few days on his own don't exactly go smoothly. The Winter Soldier wants to remember his past, but sometimes we don't get what we want the way we want it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

On The Run

Chapter 1

 

The Battle was over. The deadly Helicarrier though still aloft, was burning, listing, and slowly drifting downward. The massive airship’s core drive, damaged from the artillery barrage had exploded, and rained down into the Potomac river below. Mixed in with the debris, was a man dressed in an American Flag. A man called Captain America. The man who had called him by name, James Buchanan Barnes, Bucky.

Slowly swinging from his cybernetic arm, the Soldier in black hung from the mangled hull of the Helicarrier. Releasing his solid grip, the Soldier plunged into the cold dark water below. Following the bright colors, he was able to grab the man, and kick them to the surface. Gasping for air, he wrapped his metal arm around the unconscious Captain, and pulled him up out of the water. 

Before he could catch his breath, the Helicarrier crashed down into the Potomac nearby and churned the river. Huge waves rose, swamping them both and almost pulling the Captain from his grip. Drowning in the dark swirling waters, fear overwhelmed him, yet he never released his grip on the unconscious man. Finally the waters calmed somewhat, and the Soldier was able to breathe. 

Trying to swim and keep both of their heads out of the water was difficult. His right arm was still practically useless. Thankfully the waves from the crash had actually pushed them close to shallow water. 

Dragging Captain America to the sandy shore, he pulled until they were clear of the river. The Soldier stopped and looked at the man, watching him cough up river water. Steve Rogers, Captain America was his mission. He was supposed to stop him. Alexander Pierce himself said that Captain America needed to be stopped. They were bringing a new age to humanity. Now, the smell of burning filled the air, debris filled the streets. Three huge helicarriers crashed down, bringing chaos, and destroying the Triskelion building. The new age was in ruins. He had failed his mission. His failure destroyed everything. 

But that seemed unimportant to him now. All the Soldier’s thoughts at river bank kept circling back to ‘my name is James Buchanan Barnes’. He stared at Captain America, the man who said he knew Bucky. He did not remember having a name. He had only remembered being called ‘The Asset’ or, ‘Soldier’. Once, he heard someone say the enemy called him ‘Winter Soldier’.

The Soldier knew he needed to get out. He needed to be somewhere else, instead of standing next to Captain America, and so close to the site of the disaster. The water had carried them downstream right back near the Triskelion. Above the canopy of the trees, he could see plumes of smoke coming from the huge building. Luckily, he had pulled Steve ashore into a wooded area. This part of the city was mostly federal park land, and monuments. Populated places full of tourists, cameras, and police. 

Remembering the layout of the area, he knew he couldn’t evade people for very long. He would have to find a way to blend in, to become a ghost. Georgetown was more residential, less open. There were townhouses, businesses, and places to hide. As he stumbled from the beach, he took one last glance over his shoulder at Captain America, and kept walking. 

While he traveled he took stock of his injuries. He knew he had a broken arm. Captain America had broken it in a purposeful, painful way, trying to get the computer card from his hand. His ribs ached from all of the blows he received in the fight. The Asset wore body armor, but Captain America is a super soldier. His punches were solid and precise. It hurt to breathe, quite a few ribs felt broken not just bruised. His leg hurt, and he wasn’t even sure when that happened. It wasn’t broken though, he could walk, but he limped. 

The Asset had never fought a single man that powerful and fast. Hydra constantly trained for battle. Every day awake was filled with sparring, shooting, and weapons training. Still, few Hydra agents could even compare to the speed, strength and skillful fighting he just experienced.

Reaching close to Georgetown, the Asset knew people would notice how wet and strangely dressed he was. He found a town house with a basement window away from the street. Checking for people inside, he broke the lock, pulled open the window, and dropped into the basement. A laundry hamper sat next to the washer. Inside, was a big gray sweatshirt, he put it on right over his body armor jacket. Everything else in the hamper was women’s clothing. As he headed back to the window, he saw a dusty old school backpack, and a ratty ball cap. He took that with him, then pulled himself back out of the window. 

Dirty boots, old sweatshirt, dirty wet hair, a limp, and a ragged backpack, he hoped he looked like any other homeless person in D.C. 

It must have worked, people looked the other way as he walked along. Homeless people made them uncomfortable. He had become invisible.

Police filled the streets, chaos was all around him. The Asset kept walking, away from the people and the cameras. Helicopters were swarming around the city. Military trucks pulled into intersections. Armed, uniformed troops piled out to be stationed on street corners, keeping people from going toward the Triskelion, cordoning off the area. They were telling people to go home. He needed to get past them quickly, before the city is locked down and he is trapped. 

The Asset didn’t know that it was too late. The city was already locked down. Government agencies were trying to ferret out all of the Hydra agents. Police and Military presence quickly increasing as surrounding units mobilized. All local government agencies were prepared for disaster in such an important, high profile target of a city.

At checkpoints throughout the city, the police were checking ID’s, inspecting packages, and patting people down. Many times, he turned to avoid having to go through them. His body armor alone was enough to cause trouble. He wasn’t sure he could stand up to a fight, or even run away in the condition he was in now.

He needed to find a place to lay low. He walked past the same Catholic Church twice while he was trying to find a way to get out. As he was walking towards it a third time, a group of armed military men were walking in his direction. If he crossed the street it would look suspicious. Instead, he went up to the door of the church and went in. 

It was an old church, full of marble fonts and stained glass. Probably built around 1900. It was comfortable to be in a building that looked so familiar, even though he thought he had never been here before. It was nice to be in a building older than himself. It had been a while. 

He sat in one of the pews, and stared at the statues. He felt like an outsider, awkward, and soggy. His heavy wet clothes made noises every time he shifted on the pew. The noise seemed deafening in the silence of the church. There were a few other people in the church, and he was convinced every time he shifted that they glanced over, disturbed by the noise. 

After about ten minutes, the Asset estimated that the soldiers should be down at the end of the street by now. He stood and went to leave. As he walked toward the door, a deacon was coming in his direction. He ducked his head, so the deacon couldn’t see his face. The man put his hand on the Asset’s left arm. He froze.


	2. Chapter 2

On The Run 

Chapter 2

 

“Are you here for the shelter?” the deacon asked.

The Asset was startled and attempted to pull his arm away, hide the metal hand. 

“I’m sorry,” the Deacon said, “I just wanted you to know the shelter is next door. Right by the side door.”

“No…No” the Asset mumbled, heading for the door again.

The Deacon hurried to get something and the Asset’s heart was racing. The man reached into a basket near the door to the church and hurried back to the Asset.

“Here.” He shoved something towards the Asset’s hands, “Here, take these. If you want to come back you know where we are. You are always welcome.”

The Asset brushed past the Deacon into the street outside, and hurried away. After he turned the corner he looked down at what the Deacon handed him. They were some sort of portable ration. Tuna in a can and crackers packed together in a box. There was also a can of some sort of Hormel meat and rice mix. The Deacon must have taken them from the donation basket.

He thought about it a while, if he can’t find anywhere else, the shelter might be an option. But, it gave him a chill. He didn’t want to go to the shelter, they always check the shelters. He had a vague memory of going to a shelter before. Trying to leave Hydra and being found. Being dragged back to Hydra, followed by painful punishment. They usually made sure he kept that memory. He wouldn’t repeat that mistake.

As evening approached, the streets were becoming less populated. They must be enforcing a curfew. The Asset needed to find someplace to go. He found a boarded up restaurant with the back door hidden from view in the alley. With his enhanced strength it would open easily enough. He slowly pushed the door in with his left shoulder until the lock popped. Careful to make sure the door looked intact, not splintered. He didn’t want neighbors to report it to the police.

Inside, he found the remains of a long closed restaurant. It was dusty, and smelled like old grease. The smell was almost overpowering and he pulled the sweat shirt over his nose. He searched the building, finding broken furniture and peeling plaster. It had been abandoned for a while and the dust was thick. There were signs of rodents around the edges of the room. 

The Asset found a closet with supplies from an aborted attempt to fix up the restaurant. As he rifled through the supplies, he found paint cans, brushes, tarps, rags, and assorted supplies. He took the rags with him.

He sat in the dining room in one of the unbroken chairs, exhausted. The sun was low on the horizon and the boarded windows striped the room in an orange glow. The Asset needed to check his arm. The arm was probably swollen. He was afraid once he got the body armor jacket off, he wouldn’t be able to get it back on. 

The Asset swiped his hand over the dusty table in front of him. He slowly pulled the sweatshirt over his head, easing it over his broken arm. After laying the sweatshirt on the table, he began to unbuckle the jacket. It was tight on his arm, and removing it was painful. When it was finally removed, he was already in a full body sweat. 

He might still need to splint the broken bone. It looked badly bruised, and the pain was intense, but it was not twisted out of shape. The Asset knew that Hydra pumped him full of painkillers before each mission. This allowed him to fight through just about any injury. The painkillers had been slowly wearing off as the day progressed.

He tried to feel the broken arm with his metal cybernetic fingers, but he couldn’t tell much. It would just have to heal on it’s own. He gingerly slid the jacket back over the broken arm, then the sweatshirt. Finally, he tied some of the rags into a sling. The sling provided some relief.

As the sun set, he tried to eat in the last of the light. Fumbling for the tiny can of tuna, he clumsily opened the pop top one handed. He threw the tiny spoon from the package onto the table, and tried to scoop the tuna out with the crackers. Eventually, he just ate the crackers and tried to use the spoon to eat the tuna. The six crackers and tiny can of tuna just made him more hungry. He eyed the can of chicken and rice, but decided he would save it for breakfast.

The sunlight had gone, and a small amount of light came in from a streetlight a few yards away. His augmented vision could see well enough in the dark, he should stay awake, but he was exhausted. He thought about bringing the tarp over to make the floor more comfortable, but decided it would be a waste of effort. He was too tired to care.

He just lay down on the floor and tried to sleep. He drifted in and out. Exhaustion dragging him under, and the rustle of mice in the room bringing him back. His stomach growled loudly. He found it distracting. He tried to put it out of his mind. Eventually he just sat up and ate the chicken and rice too, finally finding some real sleep afterwards.

Hydra augmented the Asset physically in ways other than just the mechanical arm. As a captive, he was used in their experiments. Their desire to recreate the super soldier serum made him what he is. He was far from a Super-Soldier the caliber of Steve Rogers, but far from a regular soldier. The Asset was faster and stronger than before. They sharpened his senses, and made him more durable than a regular person. Still, he needed sleep. He needed rest after the beating he took. His body needed time to repair.

He was in a deep sleep when they burst in. Police in tactical uniforms and assault rifles broke through the doors and surrounded him while he lie on the floor. The one in the lead fired four nearly silent rounds into the Asset.


	3. Chapter 3

Instantly the Asset was on the move. Of the four rounds, two hit the armor of the jacket, one hit the metal of his arm, and the fourth round found it’s target. The tranquilizer round hit the forearm of his broken arm. Not enough of the drug was in his system to immobilize him, but it would slow him. 

He kicked out at the one who fired the rounds, snapping his knee and knocking him to the floor. Bucky grabbed his weapon and shot two of the closest Hydra agents while still on the floor. He aimed for the exposed skin under their chin and both went down, instantly unconscious. One of the Police at the back was holding a tracking device locator. The Asset recognized Hydra technology. 

One of the disguised Hydra Agents shot the Asset with a stun gun. The stun gun was at full power, and the charge ripped through his body. As he writhed, he dropped the weapon. An agent then kicked it from his grip. While he was immobile, lying on the ground they slipped a black hood over his head to blind him. 

The remaining agents moved in and began to try to lift the limp Asset and drag him outside. When they reached the door, he heard them open the door to a vehicle and knew this was his last chance. He slammed his metal fist upward into the agent holding his left side. The blow crunched as ribs broke. The Agent was lifted off of the ground and flung backward. Though wounded, the Asset weakly grabbed the agent holding his right side with his weak hand, pulling him in close. Then using his metal left hand, he smashed the back of the Hydra Agent’s head into the vehicle. 

As he pulled the hood from his head, the Asset saw the last Agent had dropped the tracking device, and was pulling out his pistol. The Asset pulled a boot knife from one of the fallen agents and threw it at the pistol wielding agent’s throat. He instantly fell in a spray of blood. The Asset jumped up ready to run, then he turned back and grabbed the tracking device locator. He pulled the blade out of the dead agent’s throat and jumped into the already running van and drove. 

The streets were empty and the vehicle’s blue Police lights were silently flashing. First the Asset turned off the lights. He couldn’t leave the city, and tried to think of a path where there were no checkpoints. He knew he needed to ditch the police van, but wanted to put some distance between himself and the Hydra agents. 

Eventually he pulled into an alley. He jumped into the back and searched for something he could use. The van was clean. Anything the Hydra agents had that was useful must have been carried on their person. 

He was glad he grabbed the knife. Using the locator, he found that the signal was coming from his right shoulder. He removed his sweatshirt and jacket, grabbed the blade and sunk it into the flesh of his shoulder until he hit something. Sliding his metal fingers into the hole, he pulled out the device, crushed it, and left it in the van. 

He tried to keep the hole as small as possible, but the device was in deep. The wound ran hot blood down his chest. He used the sling to try to stop the bleeding and bind up the wound. After throwing on the jacket and sweatshirt, he hopped out of the vehicle and ran.


	4. Chapter 4

Slightly dizzy from the tranquilizers and blood loss, he stumbled a few times but pushed on. He knew what was at stake, returning to Hydra was not an option. 

Staying in the shadows, he was able to move surprisingly quickly down the streets and alleys. His path again brought him to the same Catholic Church. This time he approached from the alley behind. 

Out of options, he entered the shelter door. There was a man at a desk in a reception area, and behind he could see a hallway. The man looked up and his eyes went wide. The Asset was thankful it was the same Deacon from earlier, but the Deacon didn’t look that pleased to see him. He slowly stood, and looked pale and afraid, his eyes going to the wound in the Asset’s shoulder.

“Oh my,” he said as his hand went for a phone.

“No” the Asset said as he put his hand on the phone, holding it down. 

“But, you need an ambulance.” The Deacon said.

“I just need someplace to rest. Please, just someplace to rest.” the Asset said softly trying not to look threatening.

“Come with me,” he said “In here”

The Asset followed him down the hall. They passed a room with two aisles of twin beds. It reminded him of a military barracks. Less than half of the beds were occupied. At the end of the hall they entered a small room with just two beds inside. Both were empty. 

“There aren’t many people in tonight. When the weather is warm, most prefer to sleep outside” Said the deacon as he ushered the Asset into the room. 

“Do you have a medical kit? Or some bandages?” the Asset asked.

“Yes, I’ll get it. Wait here.” He said and left the room.

The Asset prayed the Deacon wasn’t calling the police. Soon he returned with a box, and a tiny ancient Nun still in her slippers.

“This is Sister Ann, she was a nurse in the Korean War.” the Deacon said.

Sister Ann added “Well, lets see what we have here. Can you tell me what happened?” 

“No” the Asset mumbled looking down.

“That’s all right, Deacon Bill and I will get this fixed right up.” She said.

She rummaged through the box with shaky hands and said. “Go wash your hands Bill, You are going to have to handle this. I‘ll walk you through.” 

Bill’s eyes widened even more, but he left to wash his hands.

With shaky hands, she unwrapped the old rags tied around the wound and blood immediately began to run down the front of the Asset’s jacket. “Hold this on here.” she said pushing a piece of white gauze onto the wound. “Lie back” she said, helping him to lie on the bed. 

When the Asset realized she was going to cut the sweatshirt off of him he said “No. Just cut around the arm”. She nodded and just cut away the part around the injured arm. He knew that if he took off his sweatshirt they would see the metal arm. The jacket though, was too tough for her scissors. It needed to be removed. Finally he just closed his eyes and removed the sweatshirt and jacket. 

When she exposed the black bruising over his broken upper arm, she just said “After we stitch up the arm, we’ll look at this too.” Sister Ann didn’t say anything about his metal arm. She just helped him put the remains of his sweatshirt back on to cover it. 

Soon Bill returned and Sister Ann helped guide him through stitching up the wound. The Asset had lost a lot of blood and he was exhausted when they finished with his shoulder. Before he knew it, they were binding up his arm. Sister Ann had gone in the other room and produced some sort of Velcro strap device and sling that she put on his broken arm.

As they finished up, the Asset wanted to sleep. But, he knew Hydra would find him here. He didn’t want to put these people in danger. He tried to get up, but Sister Ann pushed him back down. 

“You aren’t going anywhere for a while” she said.

“You don’t understand. They will find me here.” he said trying to get up again. 

“We can keep a secret” she replied.

“But...” he said quietly “They might look like Police, but they aren’t..” He knew he sounded crazy. They looked at him with pity. He wondered if they would call the police after all. 

“It will be all right. We won’t let anyone else come and hurt you.” she said.

Deacon Bill said “I have to get back. Sister Ann will stay with you.” he then talked to Sister Ann in the hallway for a minute. The Asset was too tired to listen. He just wanted to sleep, and nodded off before Sister Ann even returned to the room.

In the dark the Asset hears the sound of beads. He dreams of beads and laughing, he can hear their voices, but can’t make out their words. He can see shadows of people moving, going into a church. “Get a move on Bucky” he hears distinctly in a female voice. Then he opens his eyes.

It is still dark and Sister Ann is praying the rosary. Her beads gently moving as she goes to the next one. Bucky feels like he can’t breathe. “My…” his voice comes out choked and he clears his throat to try again.

Sister Ann, jumps a little startled, and grabs a glass of water for him. He takes a few sips from the straw. Bucky tries again, and whispers “My mother used to pray the rosary.” The emotion choking him makes the words come out so softly that Sister Ann has to strain to hear him. 

Vividly, he remembered his mother’s laugh. In that moment Bucky knew his Mother, Father and whole family was gone. Long gone, and he felt hot tears in the corners of his eyes. 

“Do you want me to pray for her?” Sister Ann asked.

“Please” he whispered, and hoped the dark hid his face.


	5. Chapter 5

Bucky slept through the next morning until lunch. Sister Ann was gone, and a gray haired Priest was sitting next to Bucky. The sound of someone entering woke Bucky from a deep dream filled sleep. The dreams slipped away as he roused himself, sitting up. Someone had brought lunch, and the Priest seemed surprised Bucky was able to sit up on his own. 

“Here let me help you.” he said, but Bucky was already up. 

The smell of the food made him realize he was starving. It was a piece of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green beans, and a slice of bread. Bucky inhaled it, his focus completely on the food. When he looked up, the Priest was just sitting there staring.

“Hello, I’m Father Jones” He said smiling. “Sister Ann is getting some sleep. Can you tell me your name?”

Bucky didn’t want to tell them his name. He knew he needed to leave. As he stood, Deacon Bill came in. He looked tired, and surprised Bucky was up.

“I have to leave.” Bucky told them as he started towards the door.

“Before you go, we have clean clothes for you. You can clean up in the bathrooms down the hall. Everyone else is gone for the afternoon.” Father Jones said.

“You should know some men have been here two times.” Deacon Bill said. “We didn’t tell them you were in here. They just walked through the main sleeping area. They never asked for you specifically, they just said they wanted to look through the area we house the homeless.”

Bucky knew he had to leave quickly. He thanked them and took the clothes to the bathroom where he quickly washed up and changed into the black t-shirt, gray collared long sleeve shirt, jacket, and jeans. They even had gloves and hat for him. 

When he came out, he saw Deacon Bill “Thank You for your help. And tell Sister Ann, thank you too”

Deacon Bill had a small pack and handed it to Bucky. “Here. It’s some more food, and another change of clothes.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it” Bucky said softly, then turned and went outside to try to blend in with the crowd walking down the street. He wasn’t sure where he would go.

Walking down the streets of DC, Bucky stops and looks at a store window display with new TV sets. The televisions are all showing the news footage of one of the Helicarriers crashing into the water below. 

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a red truck turn in front of a small silver sedan. The sedan swerved left to avoid running into the truck, hit the opposite curb and flipped on it’s side.

The silver car had flames coming from underneath. A man on the curb was yelling about explosions, and telling the others to stay back. No one was helping the woman trapped inside. Bucky pushed through the small group of people gathered on the street corner. He pulled off his sling and threw it aside. Then he ran up to the car, climbed onto the side and ripped off the locked door. He reached inside to help the woman, but she was trapped by part of the dash. 

Bucky climbed inside, bent his metal arm and shoved the elbow in next to where the woman was pinned. Slowly he straightened his arm, bending the dash away from the woman, freeing her. Once she was free, he used the metal arm to smash the windshield out and get her clear of the car. As people rushed over to help her, Bucky slipped away into the growing crowd. While he is leaving he hears sirens approaching.

He continued down the street, eventually ending up in the Washington mall area. It was a beautiful day, and the grassy field was crowded with tourists. A bus drove by with a Captain America exhibit ad plastered on it‘s side. He knew the Smithsonian was not far away. Curiously he entered the Captain America display. He saw the photo of James Buchanan Barnes and read the display. He didn’t remember the facts on the display. It was like reading the facts on someone else’s life. He stared at the photo, he could see himself in the image, different but still himself.

After leaving the museum, he didn’t know where else to go. At a news stand he reads the cover of a newspaper, and it showed that Captain America is still in the hospital and doing well. Bucky remembered waiting outside Captain America’s apartment for a clear shot at the one eyed man, SHIELD Director, Nick Fury. He walks to Captain America’s apartment, maybe there are answers in there.

The apartment is easy enough to get into, Steve has a key outside, hidden on top of the doorframe. He pulls away the police tape. Inside Bucky finds a basic apartment, not many personal items. Eventually Bucky finds a photo on the wall of the Howling Commandos. Captain America is in the middle, and Bucky is to his left. Bucky didn’t remember this. Slowly memories were coming back, but they were mostly the oldest ones first. His parents were becoming more defined in his mind. He still couldn’t remember what they looked like, but he could hear his mother’s voice. He dreamed about her. He remembered places, his parents apartment in Brooklyn stood out in the jumble of memories coming to the surface.

Brooklyn was where he needed to go. He spent the night in the apartment, snooping through Steve’s things, looking for anything to tell him about himself. Sadly, there wasn’t even much to tell him about the personal life of Steve Rogers. Other than the photo, Bucky found nothing to give him any clues about himself. When the sun went down, he slept on Steve’s couch. Before dawn he left.

The security around DC was still tight as the government tried to recover from the Hydra attack. Bucky however was good at covering ground unseen. Eventually he slipped out of the city on foot, stole a car in Maryland and drove to New York, sleeping in the car that evening in New Jersey. 

New York is nothing like the memories he has. Bucky becomes confused, the city is overwhelming. At sunrise he ditched the car in a grocery store lot right outside Brooklyn. Walking streets that should be familiar, he started thinking this wasn’t going to help him remember. Nothing was the same. He found his street, but the apartment building was gone. Afterwards, he walked to his grandparents house in Sheepshead Bay. The house was still there. It was a different color, but the same shape.

Staring at the house, he remembered being a child playing in the road. Now, cars lined the street, and the sidewalks were busy with people. Next to the house there used to be a mulberry tree. His family picked the berries in the summer. They ate them in the back yard on a big blanket. Small children covered in the sticky juice. His mom worried about mulberries staining the Sunday clothes he wore to his grandparents house.

Now, there was a driveway with a boat. The mulberry tree was long gone, paved over. He stays, staring at the house until he sees a curtain twitch. Someone next door is watching him from a window. He needs to leave before they call the police.

He can’t really remember anywhere else to go. As he walks he past a large building, it seemed familiar. He remembered that when he was ten he went to his Grandfather‘s funeral. The familiar building used to be a funeral home, now it was a furniture store. After the funeral they went to the cemetery. It seemed so peaceful, out in the country. He walked toward the cemetery. It was a long walk, and it was dark before he was halfway there. He decided to stop and found a place between some buildings to sleep the night.

In the early morning, raised voices around the corner wake him. He sees three big twenty year olds harassing a guy in a red jersey. They want his money, but the guy in red doesn’t want to give it to them and is standing his ground. Bucky gets up and moves towards the three thugs who have their backs to him.

One of them turns towards Bucky and says “Move on, Homeless. Get lost, this is none of your business.”

Bucky just keeps moving closer.

The big guy who was trying to get red jersey guy’s money turns to push Bucky, but Bucky surprises him. Bucky is strong, fast and takes him down in only a few moves. His two other buddies just turn tail and ran.

Red jersey guy says “Hey, thanks man.”

But Bucky just turns and leaves.

He continued to the cemetery. It was now in the middle of a busy area. As he walked inside it was like stepping back in time. He slowly wandered the cemetery. A large distinctive statue of a cross was right in the middle. He stood and stared at the stone statue. Then slowly he turned around and walked right to the stone that had his grand-parents names on it. He sat on the ground in front of it. Next to it, there was a stone for his uncle. He didn’t remember his Uncle. From the dates on the stone, he died when Bucky was only two. 

He wished he had something to place at the old gravestones. He didn’t think anyone was left alive who remembered them. 

When he stood to leave, he saw the stone next to his Uncle. It was his parents. The reality of it made the world spin. He needed to sit down again. He traced the names and dates with his flesh and blood right hand, thanking god his mother didn’t know what an abomination he had become. She died over ten years after he was declared dead. She lived for ten years thinking her son had died a hero in the war. His father died during the war. He didn’t remember that, and it made his chest ache.

As he sat there, he saw movement in the distance, and realized he had been stupid. Hydra would be monitoring the graves of his parents, knowing he would be drawn here.


	6. Chapter 6

They came across the field simultaneously from three separate entry points. Each squad in wedge formation. Dressed in police tactical uniforms, the Hydra agents had their rifles at the ready. Bucky wasn’t sure if they were going to use tranquilizer rounds again or not. They approached swiftly and Bucky was in the open. The gravestones were only waist high and not any cover for someone on the run. The only cover nearby was an ancient mausoleum, and he had to move quickly before the teams came within range. These Hydra agents would be more cautious after what happened last time.

There was a reason Bucky was so useful to Hydra. He was fast, deadly and able to think on his feet. Still, he was unarmed and facing twenty-one trained operatives. They broke into a jog as soon as Bucky began to sprint. He could tell they were good since they never broke formation. They began to fire as they approached. Two tranq rounds hit Bucky. He pulled them out while running, and quickly found cover in the mausoleum.

The rounds were strong, and Bucky only had civilian clothes on. There wasn’t anything to stop them. He instantly felt sluggish. But even sluggish, he was still faster and stronger than a normal person.

He used his metal arm to swing himself on top of the mausoleum. The first of the squads approached too quickly for their own good. Bucky jumped down on the closest Agent, grabbing his weapon and kicking him in the chest backwards into another Agent. In a flash Bucky fired rounds into each member of the squad. All seven of the Hydra Agents had been shot before the first one landed on the ground. The powerful tranquilizer rounds were made for a super soldier. On a regular person they worked instantly. These Hydra agents were not getting up anytime soon.

Now Bucky was armed. He quickly grabbed another few weapons and threw them on top of the mausoleum, then followed himself. The next squad had regrouped with the third, and they were working together, surrounding the mausoleum. Bucky efficiently picks off anyone out in the open, eventually removing four more from the attack.

The Agents had all found positions with adequate cover, and a view of the mausoleum. Bucky knew he was in a bad position. He had the high ground, but they had numbers and the potential for reinforcements.

The Hydra agents fired gas onto the mausoleum. Bucky had to move. He jumps down on the side closest to the road, leaping out as far as he can, and breaking into a sprint. They get another round into him while he takes out another of their Agents. Bucky stumbles a bit, and dives behind a tombstone. He is able to fire off a few rounds attempting to move to the next row of stones. The remaining agents quickly reformed into a circle. 

Bucky was surrounded, had little cover, and was quickly becoming disoriented. The drugs were taking effect. His attackers could tell, and didn’t make more moves to approach. Bucky tried to crouch and move forward to the next row of stones, but found himself half stumbling, falling short of the stones. After a brief pause, the Hydra agents stood as one, and slowly moved in. All weapons were trained on their quarry. Bucky was on his hands and knees trying to get his feet under him. 

One of the remaining Agents walked over and pushed Bucky down with his boot. Bucky just thumped to the ground, and closed his eyes. The Agent began to pull Bucky’s arms behind his back. A backpack produced heavy manacles designed for an “Asset” who needs extra security. The manacles reached from wrist to elbow and put a lot of strain on Bucky’s healing arm.


	7. Chapter 7

As they lifted Bucky from the ground, a red flash flew past. Hazily, Bucky saw the red flash drop something he thought looked like fireworks. When the fireworks went off, half of the Hydra agents fell to the ground, the others dove for cover. 

Bucky slumped to his knees when the agents dropped him to return fire. His vision was blurry, and he swayed trying to stay upright as the firefight raged around him. He couldn’t really process what was going on. 

A nearby explosion knocked him onto his back and broken arm. He slowly writhed trying to get the pressure off of the arm, but he lacked the strength to roll over. Bucky was focused on his arm, trying to ease the pain, when suddenly he was grabbed by strong hands and flipped over onto his stomach. 

He heard someone behind him say “There are only two buttons on these fancy handcuffs. Red and green. Since the green is lit up, I am guessing the red turns these things off.” 

The voice continued, “But, this is Hydra technology…. Red doesn’t make them explode or anything?” The man waited a breath for a response, then pressed the red button. Bucky heard himself groan when his arms were released. 

“Good thing that didn’t blow up, or I would have never heard the end of it.” The man said as he helped Bucky roll over. 

As soon as Bucky was on his back, his metal fist blindly swung out, aiming for the man’s face. His fist hit it’s target with surprising strength, and a resounding clang. 

“Whoa, whoa, I’m on your side.. Crap, I think you bent my helmet…” 

The man in the helmet was still talking, but Bucky couldn’t focus on his words, he just kept trying to get up. The metal arm worked jerkily and everything else felt like it was made of jelly.

Eventually the man in the helmet walked over to a Hydra weapon, picked it up and checked the rounds. He walked back over with the rifle, and Bucky felt a surge of fear.

The man said, “Listen, I think I hear sirens. We need to get out of here ASAP, and I think this might be best for everyone” He aimed the weapon and shot Bucky two more times.


	8. Chapter 8

Bucky dreamed about Thanksgiving. His family was around the table, everyone laughing, eating. His mom packed up a big bag of food. The bag was stuffed with turkey, dressing and apple pie. It was set aside for him to take. He walked down the street to Steve’s apartment, where Steve’s mom was too ill to cook. He set the meal on the table, and Steve took him to visit his mom. She was nice and wanted Steve to go to Bucky’s apartment for the holiday, but Steve wouldn’t leave her alone. The dream was nice, if a little sad.

It faded away as he woke but he kept trying to remember it. He didn’t want to forget, but he was just too tired, even his vision was blurred. He heard Steve’s voice again. 

“Steve?” He whispered, and felt someone hold his hand, and heard Steve’s voice again. He couldn’t tell if it were a dream or not, and eventually fell back to sleep.

He felt himself drift in and out of sleep for what felt like forever. He kept dreaming and hearing Steve’s voice. Whenever he would float back up to consciousness he would hear him there saying things like “Hey Buddy, are you with me? Can you hear me Bucky?” or, “It’s OK, just sleep”

Once he heard arguing. Steve was mad at something. But Bucky wasn’t able to stay awake for long and fell back to sleep.

Finally, Bucky woke, he felt clear, not drugged. His eyes opened and he saw a man sitting by the side of the bed. The man had his eyes closed. Bucky scanned the room, it was white. A lot of white and chrome. As Bucky moved to sit up, the blond man opened his eyes and smiled.

“Where is Steve?” Bucky asked. The man frowned. Bucky remembered slowly this man was Captain America.

“Bucky, it’s me.” he said with half a smile. Bucky frowned.


	9. Chapter 9

Bucky stared at Captain America and knew that this was the same person as the Steve he remembered. But his mind still had trouble putting the two together. He watched the unsure, smiling expression on the man in front of him. 

“I shot you.” Bucky slowly said while trying to sit up. As he moved the room began to shift then spin and he lowered himself back to the bed. Closing his eyes didn’t stop the spinning. It definitely sped up when he opened them.

“Hey, Hey, are you OK? Just lie back” Steve was saying, but Bucky wasn’t able to focus on him. He was just trying to get the room to stop spinning. Suddenly, he rolled to his side and began to dry heave. There was nothing in his stomach to come up, but that didn’t stop it from trying.

Bucky could hear Steve calling for some help. A man in a lab coat rushed in and left. Steve was trying to soothe Bucky saying “It’s gonna be OK. They’re gonna fix you right up. Easy big guy” and he put his hand on Bucky’s back. Bucky shrugged Steve off. Steve got the hint and stopped touching him. 

By the time the man in the white coat came back, Bucky’s stomach had calmed somewhat, but the room was still violently spinning. The man brought a plastic cup of water and some pills. 

“How is he supposed to take that?” Steve angrily asked.

“If he can keep this down it should help” Said the man in the coat.

Steve tried to hand Bucky the pill. “Here buddy, try to take this.” Steve said.

Bucky was desperate to get it to stop, and tried to take the pill from Steve’s hand. The room was spinning so much that when he reached out he couldn’t even locate Steve’s hand. He kept grasping at air. 

Steve instead grabbed Bucky’s hand and put the pill in it. Bucky popped the pill in him mouth and tried to swallow. Steve held the cup up for him, and Bucky shakily tried to take it. Steve never let go of the cup even when Bucky held it up to his mouth and took a few small sips. When Bucky let go of the cup and lie back, Steve turned to place it on a table beside the bed. Suddenly, behind him Bucky rolled to the side and threw up the pill and the water.

Steve jumped up and called for the Doctor again. The Doctor came back in the room with a syringe, and Steve stepped aside. Syringe ready, he reached for Bucky. Quick as a flash, Bucky backhanded him hard enough to send him flying into the wall. Even dizzy, Bucky was deadly. 

The Doctor slumped on the floor unmoving, and Steve rushed to his side. He called for more doctors, and the corner off the room was buzzing with activity while Bucky was curled on the bed trying to make the world stop spinning. All of the people who entered the room stayed as far from the bed as they could. Eventually, the room was cleared and it was just Bucky and Steve again.

“Hey, easy Bucky, we need to get some medicine in you.” Steve calmly said. “Something to get you better. No-one here wants to hurt you” 

Bucky couldn’t focus on anything but the nausea, and the spinning.

Abruptly, Nick Fury walked into the room, looked at Steve and said “Cap, the situation has escalated. We need you now.”

“I can’t leave now. Get the others to handle it.” Steve angrily said.

“They’re already in the conference room. Steve, you need to get briefed and up to speed on the mission.” Fury calmly responded.

“No, I need to handle this. I’m needed here.” He replied.

Fury then pulled a pistol and shot Bucky with a tranquilizer dart. “He doesn’t need you any more, but people will die if you don’t get in there.” Fury calmly said. Steve jumped up and pulled the dart out of Bucky. He was furious. 

“What is wrong with you?” Steve yelled.

“We can’t have you staying in here holding your buddy’s hand, while the whole world is in danger. You need to check your priorities.” Fury answered and left to go to the conference room.

Steve looked at Bucky, his eyes were mostly shut, but Steve could see they were open a crack. He wondered if Bucky was aware, or completely out of it. “Hey Buck, I’ve got to go. The fate of the world is relying on us. You know the deal. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He said, hoping some of it sunk in.


	10. Chapter 10

A nurse carrying a syringe, and three large men dressed in pale gray came into Bucky’s room. The men strap Bucky’s arms onto the sides of the bed. When they are done, the nurse administers the syringe while fear washes over Bucky like an ice cold wave. Bucky’s fingers twitch, but he can’t get his hands to respond more than that. Slowly the world stops spinning. The dizziness goes away but he still can’t move.

People come and go, applying monitors to his skin, checking his vitals. They check his restraints physically every time they come into the room, knowing how dangerous he could be. 

Fury’s tranquilizer hits Bucky’s system in a way very unlike the Hydra drugs. Hydra had years of experience with his unique make-up. Their drugs were tailored to him specifically. His enhanced physiology is burning Fury’s drug off in a strange way that leaves his limbs weak and mostly unresponsive. Yet, his consciousness rises and sinks as if he is just below the waves of the ocean. Sometimes he is almost lucid, other times like he is enveloped by a thick fog. 

While he is semi aware, battling the fog, he notices people have entered the room. They are discussing him. He struggles to focus and realizes two of the people were his targets, and he begins to panic. He tries to remember. Nick Fury and the woman with the flame red hair are in his room. Fear burns through more of the drug and he starts to pull at the restraints. They seem oblivious to his struggles. He sees the woman with the red hair glance his way and realizes they just don’t care. 

She tells Fury that Hydra agent interrogations led Shield to the machines that erased Barnes’ memory. The machines have been secured, as have the scientists who operate it. Fury thanks her and she leaves. Fury comes over to the side of the bed and looks down, stares for a few minutes. As he leaves, he tells a man in a white jacket to prepare Barnes for treatment. The remaining men follow Fury from the room.

If Bucky thought he felt fear minutes before, he was wrong. The fear aids him in his struggles. He hears the restraint on the metal arm creak. He knows if he could just burn through a little more of the drug he could pull the restraint loose. 

Bucky hears a ping from a bolt holding the strap on his metal arm. He knows he is breaking free. A bearded man in a lab coat enters and he knows he is too late. The man goes to Bucky’s normal arm and gives him a shot that drags him back under completely.


	11. Chapter 11

Bucky starts to come around gradually. He remembers he is not with Hydra, and realizes he is in trouble. The restraints are tight and the room cold. People are moving around, and when he is finally able to open his eyes he sees the machine. The chair that takes his memories is next to him in the middle of the room. He recognizes more than a few Hydra personnel. They are monitoring his vitals and warming up the machine. Finally, when Bucky is fully conscious, one of the Hydra men looks into Bucky’s eyes and said “He’s ready, tell Fury.” Another man leaves the room.

Before long, Fury returns, looks the machine over, and looks at Bucky. “They say this thing took your memories. We reverse engineered it to give them back. You hear me Barnes?”

Bucky wasn’t sure what was going on, but Fury was waiting for a response. Bucky gave a slow nod, and Fury seemed satisfied. 

“Come get me when it is done.” He said and left the room. 

On his way out, one of the doctors followed. “Director Fury, Director Fury, we discussed the machine’s capabilities” he said outside the door.

“Yes, and I told you to give him his memories back” Fury responded, “and stop calling me Director, I don’t use that any more”

“But,.. Nick the machine is ‘capable’ of giving him the memories. He physically might not be able to accept them without damage.”

“First, Not Nick, we are not buddies. Call me Fury. And second, Captain America is all wrapped up in this. We need to untangle him one way or another.”

“Sorry sir, But won’t he be ticked off if we kill his friend?” The doctor asked.

“Again, just give him his memories. If it works, hopefully we can have another set of hands in this fight. If not, Captain America can be told with absolute certainty, we were trying to get his friend his memories back. Then everyone can concentrate on saving the world. Are we clear?” Fury said.

“Yes sir.” the Doctor said. He reentered the room and went to the machine. 

As Fury walked away down the hall he yelled “Just make sure you stop before you kill him.” 

Bucky did not want to be back in that machine. He knew how bad it could be, and if it was going to be worse, he was going to fight. The restraints were still in place. His only chance to escape was the moment when they released him to put him into the chair. Ready to spring, he was sweating as he waited. He could see that they had the machine ready and were coming for him. But then a Doctor was giving him another shot.

“No, No, No” he heard himself saying. Then he just moaned because he felt his body go limp, but he was still completely aware. He knew he was always aware when they put him in the machine. Always.


	12. Chapter 12

The procedure starts like every other time, except he feels limp and boneless. The nameless people move him around like he is just another piece of machinery, transferring him from bed to chair. 

When they start the procedure he screams himself hoarse. It isn’t like the other times at all. The memories physically hurt with an added intensity. They are not in order, just a mess of random emotions and times. All of the blood and dying is so vivid, it is like reliving every single person he killed. But this time he knows he shouldn’t do it. He needs to stop himself, but the actions have already happened. It is like he is pushing at mountains willing them to move. His brain is starting with the most traumatic memories first. The ones that make him feel the most guilty are clamoring to get in, as if the victims ghosts want their justice. 

Eventually his mind and body can’t accept any more, and he loses consciousness. When he rouses, they are all staring at him. Waiting to resume. After a few minutes they seem satisfied he is with them enough, they start again. The next time he passes out, he wakes to see them reeling in some equipment, and his chest feels strange.

One of the men in lab coats announces “OK, lets take a break everybody. Get a drink and resume in 30 minutes.”

The people in the room begin to exit, while he remains strapped to the machine panting, trying to catch his breath. A few of the personnel remain behind checking his vitals.

“It doesn’t look like he took much damage this time. Wow, Hydra sure made him remarkably resilient.” A man with a beard said.

A tall man stooped to check a machine by Bucky’s right arm, then replied “I think he can make it through a few more episodes without any lasting damage. Hydra did make him tough.” 

Bucky could feel so much rage. He wanted to hurt these people. Rip them apart with his bare hands. Rage mixed with regret. He kept trying to push the faces of the dead out of his mind, but they were more vivid than the people right in the room. Faces covered with blood. Faces with sightless eyes. Faces of orphan children led away by Russian agents. What had become of those children? They looked him in the eyes. They saw him, saw the man that murdered their parents right in front of them. 

Bucky hated these doctors. He wanted to remember who he was. Not this. He never wanted to remember this. How was he going to live with this?

Before he knows it, they are filing back into the room, talking about readings, machines, vital signs. He felt a chill realizing they were almost ready to start. His ears feel cold, and he realizes he has been weeping. The corners of his eyes slowly dripping as he stares at the ceiling. He didn’t even know when it had started. Then suddenly, they began the procedure and he forgot all about tears.


	13. Chapter 13

The fourth time his heart stops, the doctors seem to call it quits. Bucky can’t really tell. But he hears Fury’s name mentioned as he lies there shaking. Everything hurts and he is exhausted. He feels like he did when Hydra was trying to push his new enhanced body. They wanted to see it’s limits. Driving him to exhaustion, then doing it again the next day. He remembers the experience like it happened yesterday. The experiments, the testing, the pain, the fatigue, and the emptiness.

Fury enters the room, goes straight to Bucky and looks down. Bucky wants to growl through the bit in his mouth, show his anger, but nothing comes. He just lets his head rest back and closes his eyes, praying Fury has had enough.

“How much can he remember?” Fury asks.

“We can’t really tell that sir, this machine wasn’t designed for that.” a voice answers.

Another voice says “This latest episode was difficult to bring him back from. We might not be able to get him back from it next time.”

Fury says “So, you aren’t done giving him back his memories?” Bucky hears whimpering and realizes it is coming from himself. He can also feel the tears start more quickly now. 

He hears Fury move closer and Bucky opens his eyes. Fury squints. Bucky looks him in the eye and wills him to stop this with every fiber of his being.

“You hear us Barnes?” Fury asks. Bucky can’t answer, he just lies there panting and blinking and staring. “All right. Call it a day. What he can’t remember now, he is going to have to remember on his own.” And Fury walks from the room.


	14. Chapter 14

Everything is hazy for Bucky. He is just relieved it is over. He barely registers the hands moving him, taking the hard rubber mouth guard out, removing the machines, moving him to a bed, rolling him to another room. All he can see are the faces of the dead, the blood, the cold winter, the cold of the tank. Being frozen over and over. Working for the Russians. 

They were our allies during the war. Sometime, that must have changed. He definitely was not working for allies. He remembers Hydra waking him. He wasn’t sure what happened to the Russians. Maybe they didn’t need him anymore? Maybe he was obsolete? Hydra seemed worse than the Russians. He remembered they were telling him that he was doing things to help the world. The killings were just part of war, but in the back of his mind he knew they were Murder. No battlefield, no flag to follow, just sneaking into a location, shooting unseen and sneaking away. Not war, not a war hero, a criminal. 

He belongs before a firing squad. A traitor to his country. A murderer. An assassin. Voices of the dead cry out for justice. Even in this building there are probably at least three people who should personally want him dead. People he put bullets into. People who would be dead if he had accomplished his mission. 

He lies on the bed, in a room with a view of the sky. He stares at the blue clear sky, but doesn’t see it, trapped in his own mind, reviewing years of memories. Years have passed and he slept through most of them. He thanks god for that. Thankful they didn’t use him more often. Only for the worst missions. He remembered they took joy in that. They enjoyed getting Captain America’s best friend dirty with helping their cause. Something Steve would hate. Things that would embarrass the United States. One of ‘America’s Heroes’ working for communism. They would laugh about it, and Bucky now understood what they were laughing at. 

He doesn’t know whether to be angry or cry, and just feels exhausted. Eventually, Fury comes back in. Bucky notices for the first time, that he is still strapped to the bed. Shirtless, in sweatpants with bare feet. He had been so lost in his own head he never noticed.

Now he notices, but all he feels is rage. He pulls at the restraints, and roars as Fury comes close to look at him.

“Good. You’re angry.” Fury just stands there, right near the bed. Bucky wants to rip him apart. “First, you need to direct that anger somewhere productive. You want to get even? Tear apart the people who did this to you?” Fury continues to stare at Bucky while he growls and stares back.

Fury looks like he changes his mind. “Barnes, do you want to do some good to make up for all of the people you murdered? Do you think you can use what they did to you to save people, instead of killing them?”

Bucky stops. He goes silent, the rage drained out of him. He doesn’t answer, just stares. 

Fury nods and leaves. Bucky isn’t sure what just happened.


	15. Chapter 15

Bucky wakes and realizes it is night, he must have dozed off. He had thought over Fury’s visit for a few minutes after he left, but there was so much new information in his head it was overwhelming. He has his eyes closed again, reliving the scenes of blood and death, when two of the men in lab coats enter his room. They are distracted, talking about something from television the night before. When they get close, Bucky opens his eyes and realizes one of the men is Hydra. Or was Hydra? But it doesn’t matter because all Bucky can see is red.

They are so used to him being bound they are careless. The two are focused on a story they saw on television. They didn’t check the straps. Bucky had been tugging at them for most of the day.

This time when he jerks his metal arm, the bed itself pops and breaks. He grabs the Hydra scientist and throws him against the wall. A two foot piece of the bed still dangles from his wrist. The other man reacts quickly, and runs out the door, past the bloody smear on the wall. After releasing his other arm, Bucky drops the piece of bed on the floor. He then steps over the body and heads for the door. The civilians are running away, heading for the exits or hiding as he runs down the hall. He ignores them and runs towards the exit.

Four huge armed guards move in, blocking the door at the end of the hall. He runs straight at them and has them down and unconscious in seconds. Bucky spots another Hydra scientist duck into a room down a side hall. He changes course, turning in the man’s direction. As he approaches the door, he is hit from the side. Something shocks him, sending him to his knees. He spins, but something is on him. Someone. He realizes he is still weakened and slow from the procedure. His combat skills reduced to raw strength, and rage. His fighting techniques muted and fumbling. This opponent however, is very agile and skilled.

The person has him on his back. He can’t reach. Attacked from behind, pulling him down, something is around his neck. He sees stars. Bucky spends most of the fight struggling to get free. To breathe. He tries to smash his opponent back into the floor. Get them into a position he can reach. He has gotten his metal fingers under the strap around his neck and takes a big gulp of air. He still can’t see the person or what is around his neck, but he can breathe again. He rocks forward and slams them back again. He can feel the person losing their hold. If he can get them around front, he can get free.

Then Bucky freezes. The world grinds to a halt. Bucky’s vision tunnels to the man standing there at the end of the hall. His uniform is dirty, and has a tear in it. He is holding the shield. Bucky thought he had lost that. 

He feels the person behind him move away. He hadn’t realized he stopped struggling, but the fight was over. Steve rushes toward Bucky, and Bucky flinches. His arms instinctively go up in front of his face. He waits for the end. 

But Steve doesn’t attack him. Steve looks confused for a second, then drops the shield. “Hey Bucky. Hey, It’s Steve.” he says going to his knees next to Bucky on the floor. He is holding up his hands trying to look less threatening.

Bucky leans forward and pulls back his metal fist to punch Steve. “What the Hell is wrong with you?” Bucky yells, fist still in the air ready to strike. “Why did you do this? Why would you want this? Why didn’t you just kill me? Millions of people could have died! I tried to kill you. Why didn’t you kill me?” 

Steve looks confused. 

Bucky remembers the other person is still there, and the shadow is starting to move closer. If Steve won’t defend himself, this other person is moving to step in. 

Glancing over, Bucky sees the redhead. His head spins. He shot her. He remembers it clearly and the memory overlaps with another shooting, memories jumbled together. He shot her years before. He clutches his head. “Is this revenge?” He whispers. “You both want me to remember everything I’ve done?”

Steve looks pained “No, No Bucky, It’s not like that. Oh Jesus, we just want to help you remember who you are. I,” he stammered “I just want to help you.”


	16. Chapter 16

Bucky growled, “You want me to remember who I am? You want me to remember that I am a murderer? That I killed for Hydra? That I worked for the Russians against the U.S.? That I’m a traitor to my country? Why? Why?” Bucky was yelling at the end. Panting, and red faced, he knelt while Steve just looked stunned. 

This wasn’t what Steve expected. It was worse than when Bucky didn’t remember him. He feels like he has been punched. He was kneeling in front of Bucky, and he sat back onto the floor with a thump. “No, Bucky. I…I…I just hoped you would remember before. Who you were before the War. Fury said he would help, that you would be alright.”

“Of Course, Steve. You always think everything will turn out alright. But it can’t. It will never be alright.” Bucky said quietly, looking down. He also sat back, his fists now in his lap. He seemed to have deflated, he was shaking.

“Buck, it’s not as bad as it seems. You’re free from Hydra now.” Steve started to say.

“No!” Bucky yelled grabbing Steve by the front of his uniform “How am I supposed to live with all of the things that I have done? Years, Steve. I worked for them for years. I don’t know if I can handle that.” 

“It’s not your fault Bucky. You weren’t in control. You were brainwashed.” Steve tried to sound calm and convincing, but Bucky looked even more outraged.

“Is that supposed to be better?” Bucky roared into his face. Steve knew this was going badly. He needed Sam, or a professional with experience to calm and diffuse the situation. Everything that came out of Steve’s mouth made Bucky even more angry.

Steve heard a click, and looking behind Bucky, he saw Fury walking down the hall. No, no, no. Steve thought. Now was the worst time for this. He looked for Natasha and she was gone.

Bucky turned to see what Steve was looking at. 

Fury just walked up to them with his pistol in hand. He looked down at Bucky, who stared at the gun, mesmerized. His face was no longer angry, instead it looked relieved. Calm.

Fury stopped and said “Listen. I would love to let you two hash this out. But, the entire planet is currently in danger. We do NOT have time for this.”

Fury looked Bucky in the eyes, ignoring Steve “Barnes, you have to make a decision. Are you in, or out? If you are out, here take this.” He hands Bucky the pistol, and Steve practically gasps, his eyes as wide as saucers. “You two have about fifteen minutes to make up your minds.”

Turning to leave, Fury stops and looks back at them. “Just keep two things in mind Barnes. First, the world needs people with your skills right now. Second, if you shoot yourself, you should shoot him first. If you don’t, he is just going to get himself killed before the end of the week. You decide.” Then he walks away.


	17. Chapter 17

Gently Steve reaches over to take the pistol from Bucky’s hand. Bucky’s eyes narrow, and he doesn’t let go. 

Steve looks Bucky in the eyes and says “This is crazy. You have all the time you need. I am right here with you on this.”

“Fury said you need to go save the world.” Bucky replied calmly, while holding the gun in a solid grip, neither man willing to let go.

“Yeah, he did. There are some people out there trying to make Red Skull look like a pushover” Steve said, releasing the weapon and sitting back against the wall.

“When do they need you?” Bucky asked.

“They are already going over the battle plan in a meeting upstairs. I can miss it.” 

“Miss the meeting, or miss saving the world?”

Steve looked down at his hands.

Bucky looked at the pistol. “Fury gave me this, because he needs you in this fight. He knows I won’t kill you. He knows I can’t let you go out there and get yourself killed.” Bucky huffed a humorless half laugh. “I hate that guy.”

“What does that mean?” Steve asked looking over at Bucky.

“It means I’m keeping Fury’s weapon.” Bucky said.

As they walked down the corridor towards the elevator, it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. When they exited the elevator the hall was abuzz with activity. Personnel were hurrying, barking orders, preparing for war. 

Bucky suddenly said, “Oh, hey. Did you know you have a couple of Hydra agents back on that other floor?”

Steve grunted a half laugh “Yeah, they were supposed to be experts on your memory loss. Fury cut some sort of deal with them.”

“Huh?” Bucky said. Then after a pause, “Should I be wearing a shirt for this meeting? I’m feeling kinda naked now that we have other folks around.”

“I’m sure we can borrow something.” Steve said.

When Steve arrived at the meeting with Bucky in tow, everyone stopped talking. Tony was already showing diagrams of the aliens and projections of the anticipated first assault, along with detailed diagrams of alien weaponry. 

As soon as Bucky entered, Tony made all of the screens disappear. 

Tony said, “I don’t know if your old army buddy should be in here, Spangles. How about we talk this over outside.” 

“No. He stays. We need all of the help we can get.” Steve said standing his ground.

“Well, I’m not gonna just hand Hydra the plans for our assault. Sorry Steve, your buddy has to go.” Tony continues

Bucky leans in close to Steve and murmurs, “Hey, It’s OK, I’ll sit this out.”

Suddenly, Nick Fury walks in and announces “Aright, everybody take a seat. You too Barnes.”

Tony grumbled as he sat, but the discussion was over.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Epilogue 

 

Soon everyone was on board. Battles were fought. Bucky proved to be an asset. He fought quietly and efficiently, a deadly killing machine. Initially, he did frighten his teammates, no-one denied that. None of them really trusted him for the first few days. But eventually, he was part of the team. 

The first chance he had, Bucky cut his hair short again. He traded his Winter Soldier all black, for the Bucky Barnes dark blue. Steve noticed that Bucky rarely wore black again. Steve soon became used to the new Bucky. He never smiled or joked, rarely spoke, and slowly, he became less angry.

After the final battle ended, and the aliens were defeated, Fury kept Bucky on a heavy mission rotation. Never actually against Hydra though. Steve wondered if Nick was afraid Hydra had some sort of programming they could use to unlock the Winter Soldier. Make him their tool again. Or, maybe Fury didn’t want Hydra to get their hands back on him, because Bucky had been through enough. Either way was fine with Steve. The concept of Bucky back in Hydra’s hands made his skin crawl and his blood boil. 

Bucky though, was aching to be sent after Hydra. He wanted to get revenge. Maybe that is why Fury never sent him on those missions. Fury was afraid the rage would cloud his judgment, or just take him over completely.

Steve tried to address Bucky’s anger issues. He mentioned therapy. Sam was his example. Bucky looked at Steve like he asked him to grow a new head, said he didn’t want to talk about it. When Steve pressed, Bucky said that no one could come close to understanding any of this. He flat out refused. Steve knew that though Bucky looked like any other modern young man, he was anything but. He was a product of his generation just as much as Steve was. And like Steve, he held open doors for women, stood when they entered a room, and did not talk about feelings. 

After the first mission, Bucky immediately wanted his own space. Tony arranged for him to have an apartment in Avengers tower. Bucky actually wanted to go somewhere else, but without money, he had to take what he could get. Steve was glad his friend was standing on his own. 

Fury sent Bucky on a mission within days of saving the world. Steve was annoyed because he wasn’t consulted, and thought it was a bit too soon. Steve was even more annoyed the mission was with Clint, and without Steve. He was glad that Fury trusted Bucky. But, he did worry the whole time Bucky was gone. 

Steve and Bucky were never sent on missions together. When Bucky came home from missions he would find Steve in the workout room of Avengers tower. Bucky didn’t usually say much about the missions, for all of Steve’s trying. He just said they “went well”, or “we did what we had to do”, and that was about it.

 

Finally, after about three months of missions, Steve asked Fury if he was working Bucky a little hard. Fury told him he was actually making Bucky take a few days off between each mission. Bucky, given the choice, would rather go non-stop. Fury thinks Bucky needs to burn off a little steam, and the world still needs saving, so it’s win/win. Steve thinks it is a little deeper than that, but it isn’t his place to say.

After the fourth month, Steve rarely saw Bucky, except in passing. Sometimes they worked out together, but it was getting rarer and rarer. 

Then one evening there was a knock on Steve’s door. When he opened it, there was Bucky with a hopeful half smile, “Hey. There is a new restaurant down in Brooklyn run by the Delgaudio’s. Remember them? I think it’s the great granddaughter or something.” And Steve realized that Bucky was smiling for the first time since 1943. 

“Yeah, great. Let me get my coat” Steve immediately said. 

The new Bucky was more serious, but he had the old Bucky mixed right in underneath. It felt comfortable, and that night over pasta, it felt like the first time Steve really smiled since 1943 too.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is complete. I will update regularly. First story I have put on the internet.


End file.
